Epiphanies

A motif that appears throughout Portrait is that of Stephan's many epiphanies. At the end of every chapter, Stephen makes some earth-shattering realization or decision that he imagines will change his life forever. Mr. Mitchell has asked us to listen to the music of the words, and at these climactic moments, the music crescendos beautifully and exultantly into what sounds like a resolution of all problems faced in the chapter. First Stephen accepts being alone, and is happy with it. Then he finally has sex, ending his rampant imagination's reign over his thoughts. Next he repents, and rejoices in that he is forgiven, and he sees beauty everywhere and feels serene in his piety. After that, he hallucinates (?) and discovers his vocation for the arts.
After all of these epiphanies, Stephen's perception of his life gets flipped-turned upside down, and our perception of him and his life cannot help but change as well. It is unclear if his life actually changes that much though, and with Joyce laying on the irony pretty thick in some cases, it is easy to doubt the validity of some of Stephen's epiphanies. The question that remains is whether his apparently ground-breaking realizations are actually meaningful. I have to say yes, these epiphanies are significant. Firstly, I really relate to Stephen is this, because I am wont to have "epiphanies" or at least overly dramatize my realizations--at one point I had two epiphanies within an hour, and the second epiphany was just "hey remember that epiphany you had an hour ago, yeah that was wrong"--so I sympathize with Stephen's perceptions changing dramatically and rapidly. I also think that, while some of his may not appear to change Stephen's life (as seen by Joyce's undermining them at the start of the following chapter), they do change how he perceives his life. These altered perceptions also change Stephen's actions, which is probably just as important.
At the beginning of the semester, I defined coming-of-age to loosely be when you know what you want to do with your life, and you do do it. That is to say, you know yourself, and you act on that knowledge. Stephen's epiphanies are how he knows himself:  each one gives him deeper insight into who he is, at least at that point in time. The chapters end on such a high note because Stephen is halfway to coming of age. Joyce starts each chapter by showing that Stephen doesn't act on his epiphanies much, proving that he has not yet fully come of age. While each epiphany helps Stephen develop, it is not until he knows himself well enough to change his life accordingly that he actually comes of age. At the end of chapter three, I would say that Stephen comes of age, because he has the epiphany (that he is going to go to hell) and he acts on it (confesses). I do not think that the factuality of his epiphanies matters so much as his believing in them, and his acting on them. However, I think that, since Stephen only returns what he is supposed to be doing at the end of chapter three, he does not completely come of age, because he does not choose his own path. At the end of chapter four, Stephen has another epiphany, and he again acts on it, this time discovering his vocation for the arts and choosing to attend University. So Stephen comes of age again, but this time more so, because he left the beaten path and actually thoughtfully chose his own fate. I have not yet read the last few pages of the book, so I cannot speak on whether or not Stephen is fully of age at the end or not (probably not) but I do think that he is no longer a child once he goes to University. Pretentious adult, maybe. But not a child.

Also I am thinking of writing about this topic for a Reflective Response Paper, so any feedback/critiquing of what I am saying would be much appreciated.

Coming of Age?

So I was about to comment this on Mr. Mitchell's blog, and then I realized it was basically the length of one of my blog posts, so I am just going to put it here:

I think the reason that it is so hard to pin down when we come of age is because we always grow more. I remember being in Kindergarten and just being totally in awe of the huge 2nd graders. By the time I entered 2nd grade, I could not even imagine ever being as big, mature, or smart as a 5th grader. By the time I entered 5th grade, I think that I realized 5th graders were not very intimidating after all, and that I would always be looking up to someone or some group of people. I have become very used to this, and accepting of it, and I can now fathom reaching stages in my life that seem unfathomable (if that makes any sense). I think at this point, I can totally picture myself going to college, and I can even picture myself getting a job teaching or whatever after college and grad school--but those images are all very blurry and I am sure very mistaken. The one thing that I can not imagine at all is paying my inevitable college debt. For whatever reason, that seems like the one thing that is unfathomable for me to be adult enough to manage. At this point, I have realized that I will eventually be able to do this, but I think that it illustrates our perpetual development. I think that we all realize that we will be forever growing and learning more and developing more, and this understanding makes it hard to imagine ever fully "coming of age", because we are always coming of age. When I was in 2nd grade, I thought that there was me (a kid), there were 5th graders (big kids) and then there was everyone else (adults). Everyone older than a 5th grader was in my mind fully developed as a person.
Part of what is making Portrait so interesting for me is that I see different stages of my own life being played out by Stephen, and I see myself right now reflected sometimes as well (which makes me feel a little silly about myself to be honest). I also expect to see stages of Stephen's development that I have not yet gone through, which should be interesting. But I am coming to understand that coming of age is a continuous process, and, while often painful, the many stages of our development are necessary in forming who we are now, just as who we are now (which at least in my case will probably be embarrassing to think about in 5 years) is a crucial stage in getting to where we will be in 5 years, and in 10 years, and in 40 years.