Esther's future: safety versus freedom

I write this as a winding response to Mr. Mitchell's blog post, asking what we think of Esther's lack of confident planning for her future. Warning: I ramble a lot.
About the fig tree analogy, I think that it is nice to have picked one fig for yourself, and to know (or at least have confidence, false or not) in what your future will hold. It can bring a lot of peace and mind, and allow you more focus in your life if you are set on what you will do. However, I think that you would lose out on a lot of opportunities if you trapped yourself in this way. As in many things, our future holds the choice between safety and freedom--we can choose the safety of a well-planned future, or the freedom to change your future if you find one you would prefer--it is extremely difficult to have both. In my mind, the ideal would perhaps be having chosen a couple futures that are reasonably possible and would make you happy, but at the same time being open to new possibilities. Personally, I tend to choose freedom over safety, and so I am more eager to not know what I will do past college, and excited to investigate new opportunities or possible futures. Nonetheless, the appeal of sure knowledge of the future is also evident to me.
To get back to (or perhaps just to) a question Mr. Mitchell asks in his post, I do not see Esther's refusal to pick a "fig" as weakness, because I can strongly relate to her hesitation, and I applaud it. She picks freedom over safety quite explicitly. “That’s one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket” (83). I feel that I am almost congratulated when I say I don't know what I want to do after high school, or after college. Even when I confidently tell my parents that I have decided on my major, they respond with something along the lines of "Yeah, that's what you plan for it to be now Tim, but that's probably not what it will be when you graduate." Rather than seeing this as doubting my assertion or ability, I understand it to be pushing me to be open to enjoying new things, and learning new things about myself. My interest in exploration of possibilities and opportunities is what convinced me that I wanted to take a gap year back when I was a mere underclassman, and long before I had any idea what I would possibly do during such a year.
To conclude, I tend to choose the freedom of opportunity in my future rather than the safety of a plan, and I maintain confidence in my future happiness and success (of all kinds) without having confidence in any one set future for myself. I guess that confidence comes easier to me than some, but because I can have that confidence, I much prefer having the opportunity to explore and discover new possibilities than choose one now (or in elementary school) and stick to it. I lied, I'm not concluding. I just noticed the irony in this, given that since about 4th grade I have been convinced I want to be a teacher, and am still pretty convinced of this (though less so in the last year, after being exposed to more schools than just Uni). Although being a teacher does appeal to me, I see it as just one possibility for me. Tutoring is also high on my list. Why I say I am open to new things, when I have stuck with the same thing until now, is because it is true. Although I do want to be a teacher (or a tutor) I am also very interested in finding something else I would rather do, or perhaps just finding more evidence that teaching is right for me. So despite the fact that teaching appeals, so to does exploring. While I feel disposed to teaching now, I am also very open to not feeling disposed to it later, I guess. And that is why I feel that I choose freedom over safety, despite being able to see myself teaching. I see it as only one of many possible opportunities, rather than a final goal.
Cool? Cool. Peace.

What's the deal with cats?

So today I was sitting on my bed,
and my cat comes up to me and sits on my head.
Can you believe that, right on my head.
And then he starts purring my ears to shreds.
I'm just sitting there, minding my own business,
and he decides to become my hairnet.
What really gets me is that it seemed so phony.
Cats seem intelligent, and usually so stony.
They know better than to be near us,
they want their food but then they bus.
Blake though--that's my cat's name, Blake--
he tries to chat for Chrissake.
You would think he would know better,
usually his only action is chewing my sweater,
but today he decides to interact.
I know he didn't want to--that's a fact.
I mean, why would a cat want to talk.
Usually he doesn't even want to walk.
I guess people are influencing him,
which really stinks of them.
You get it right, cats don't just chat.
There must be more than that.
I think he felt like he had to, you know.
Because otherwise he wouldn't show
affection at all, and that gets me down.
It's like just because I frown,
Blake thinks he has to be friendly.
Like if he didn't it would offend me.
I just don't know man, he's like
that kid I knew as a kid, Mike.
Mike'd always do whatever he thought
he was supposed to do, what he ought.
That always depresses me.
Why couldn't he just climb a tree.
I hate it when cat's try to act good.
Why should they act like they should.
That depresses the hell out of me.
Why couldn't Blake just act free?
I can't believe the phonies got to him too.
It seems like they got through
to everyone but me and you.
Anyway, what can you do?




So that was my interpretation of what Holden would write if he had to write a poem about a cat or something. I don't know. I just thought I would challenge myself a little bit, and I enjoy trying to capture Holden's voice. It was a ton harder to do that through poetry than an essay though, so I'm not sure how accurate it is, or how good a poem it is for that matter. I think I compromised a little in both directions. Yeah.... Bye.