Is there loss associated with coming of age?

I have been thinking about a lot of different things as we have read Housekeeping, and have though of many different topics I would like to explore further. This is mainly because I relate very much to Sylvie and Ruth, and have enjoyed the novel immensely, especially the more philosophical aspects. However, a topic that I want to explore here was raised on our last day of discussion, and I think that I would like to explore it further in a reflective response paper, so here goes:
Is there any loss associated with coming of age? I mean this particularly regarding empathy. Do you lose the ability to empathize deeply with those different from you when you come of age? Do you have to think that the path you chose is the absolute best path? Must you feel superior? Must you lose sight of all other options once you have chosen yours?
One thing that I really liked about Ruth and Sylvie were that they were so very accepting of other ways of life. When Lucille chose to leave, they both let her, knowing that what she did was best for her. This only made me like Lucille less when she didn't trust Ruth to be able to find her own way, and tried to convince her to leave Sylvie as well. Being quite relativistic in my outlooks, I think it is awesome that Sylvie let the children under her care discover the people they wanted to be, and accepted that no one future was objectively the best, but that it was a personal choice, and had to match each person's character. Ruth seems to understand this as well.
Unfortunately, after Ruth fully comes of age by crossing the bridge and leaving Fingerbone, she seems to lose sight of this acceptance, and appears to believe that her way of life is objectively greater than any others, instead of just the best way of life for her. Ruth seems to really pity Lucille for her way of life, just as Lucille pities transients. Before Ruth came of age she seemed to accept both as understandable (at least theoretically), although she was much more drawn to Sylvie's transiency. The book ends with Ruth feeling bad for Lucille, and though it is not like Ruth went up to Lucille and say "ha look I am super happy you aren't transience is superior to housekeeping or whatever boom I'm right you're wrong ha ha ha," Ruth's pity does imply a feeling of superiority, because it means she cannot imagine someone enjoying a lifestyle that is not her own.
One line that really drew this out for me was when--in the ridiculously symbolic ending to Housekeeping--Ruth commented that she could no longer see her old house from the train tracks as they rode past. To me, the symbolizes the fact that she has lost sight of what that life could have been, and can no longer understand the appeal of housekeeping.
Due to these developments, I began to like and sympathize with Ruth less after she came of age--though Sylvie still seems pretty bomb. If loss of empathy with other people and failure to accept or understand their life choices is a necessary part of completely choosing the lifestyle best for you and following it (my rough definition of coming of age) I can understand much more why Holden was so against the idea. Although I am not so sure that this is what he had in mind exactly when Holden tried to avoid growing up, it does seem to understandable factor in to his dislike of grownups, even if he does not specifically point to it as a cause. What do y'all think about that? Are there any other things you think I should take into account if I write a paper on this?